I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize