Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
