she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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