apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
