I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
