His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
