I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
