I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
