what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
