Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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