Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
