mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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