Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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