Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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