Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to make a zoo with you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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