So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
