I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
