So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
