Non-Jews are for practice
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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