you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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