Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
