New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
