please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
