That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
