i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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