don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
