woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize