The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
