This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
