It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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