Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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