..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
