I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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