I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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