We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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