I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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