Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize