My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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