I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I believe in your delicious
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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