My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
