remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
