you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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