my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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