Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
