Cold hands, warm shart.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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