While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize