he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
