bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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