people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
