I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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