also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
