So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
