Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
