If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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