So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
