So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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