spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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