she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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