I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
