she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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