I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
