you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
