Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize