Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
