Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
