just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
