i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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