Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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