just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
