How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize