Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
