He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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