Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
