I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
