His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
