Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
