I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
