If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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