How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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