I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
