Duck Duck Cougar?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We had sex on a dog bed..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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