I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
